How to seek & receive feedback that works for you
If you have worked in professional office environments before, you have likely had your share of annual performance reviews-which as the name suggests are a once a year experience dreaded by managers and employees alike.
This approach to feedback generally is hierarchical and one-way. Hierarchical feedback culture breeds a feedback culture of evasion, confusion, and self-delusion rather than one of partnership, learning and professional development. These days there is at least an awareness that creating a culture of feedback that allows for frequent, thoughtful, and engaged dialogue leads to more engaged employees.
What if feedback is a two-way conversation that requires each party to the conversation to take responsibility for seeking and receiving feedback? Which begs the question, how do you get what you need from the feedback process as the employee? (Note: Plenty has been said and written for managers on this subject as well. See a list of some of these resources in my blog.)
As employees and emerging leaders you will receive all kinds of feedback in your career. Understanding, how to receive the feedback being offered with gratitude, and how to integrate the learning is a skill you can develop. Not all feedback will be useful to you, and that is ok.
Understand how you are affected by feedback both physiologically and emotionally. Many of us react unconsciously and negatively to feedback which can limit our ability to learn from the feedback. Feedback can breed fear and anxiety in employees-fear of being fired, fear of criticism-which in turn can trigger the autonomic physiological reaction associated with fight or flight. Your brain can react to feedback in the same way it would if you were being chased by a tiger. Our emotions can get triggered by feedback we perceive as negative leading us to behave in maladaptive ways that don't support our growth.
Practice Tip: Listen deeply and focus on what is being said. Acknowledge any difficult emotions the feedback is surfacing (such as, humiliation, anger, or embarrassment) and allow yourself to receive the information about your work as perceived by the person managing you. Remind yourself their feedback has value.
Invite feedback often from your colleagues and manager/s. Condition yourself to seek feedback and be explicit about the feedback you are seeking. I also tell my coaching clients that they can provide tips about how they best receive feedback. For example, one client was finding it difficult to be receptive to her boss' feedback when delivered over Slack with little context. Through coaching, she was able to come up with a plan to request that her boss only use Slack for feedback that was truly urgent and to provide the rest of the feedback in regular supervision meetings. She found that the Slack messages didn't allow for her to know how to receive the information. All feedback seemed urgent and that was raising anxiety and making it impossible for her to absorb the feedback.
Practice Tip: Ask for feedback often, provide tips for how best you receive and absorb information, and if seeking feedback on a specific area, don't hesitate to provide questions or specific feedback points. Get curious and ask questions.
Assume feedback is coming from a genuine desire to see you succeed. I ask my coaching clients to see feedback as a gift and encourage them to cultivate gratitude for the offering. I also acknowledge that there will be times when we don't like all that we are hearing and that is also ok.
Practice Tip: cultivate open-mindedness and look for information that supports your growth. Show gratitude for the honest feedback and time spent in conveying it. If you are confused by any of the feedback, seek clarification. Make sure you understand the specific feedback.
Remember that you are not perfect. Being intentional about how you receive criticism and feedback allows for you to learn and grow from the feedback. Receiving feedback allows you to bring your current strengths and future goals into greater alignment.
Practice Tip: Practice self-assessment regularly. Remember that your ability to receive feedback and implement learnings from that feedback, will set you up for success.
